Friday, February 4, 2011
The word Problem, is the Problem!
The word problem is the problem!!!
Often in relationships two people will disagree, some couples more than others.
The right communication is key towards building a healthy realationship or restoring a broken one.
How you approach your mate during an argument usually will determine just how long the disagreement will go on.
A mistake many make, the problem, lies right in that ONE word, problem!
Along with a nasty tone, saying 'what's your problem?!' is going to cause your mate to get on the instant defense! There actually is a more respectable approach that will get your answer as well as cause a positive response vs a negative one.
The next time your woman or man seems to be having an issue that they are not communicating to you, wait for the right timing, maybe even suggesting a walk around a park or school track, a place where oxygen can flow to the brain and keep the stress level low! And then try saying this:
"I see that something is bothering you and I am concerned baby, so, what's up? what's going on with you today?"
And yes, verbatim would be best if this approach is NEW to you!!
All in all, feel the cool from the winter air versus the tension and ice cold look from your partner by avoiding those dreadfully negative words, 'what's's your problem?!'
DeAnna 'Mz DeeVa' Shields
Monday, January 3, 2011
Virtual Dating
Virtual Dating tips from Mz Deeva
-1st Have several, several intense conversations via Email or IM before sharing your number.
Ask detailed questions and leave room in your heart before you fall for him/her to discover the truth when/if you actually meet and spend weeks REALLY getting to know him/her.
-Exchange numbers once you are clear that they meet your initial 'narrow your choices down' standards
If local
choose a coffee shop for first meeting. Do not use each other's apartments or houses to meet up. Too soon for that!
If out of state
*Dont date out of reasonable travel zones unless you discovered by intense conversation and date 1 and 2 you can both afford to do so!
Date 1: He comes to your state, gets a hotel n rents a car
Date 2: You go to his state, get a hotel room, n rent a car
Oh, and plz do not stay over at the hotel or his/her place on Date 1 and 2! ;-)
On safety:
Always let your close friend or family member know of any plans to meet your new virtual friend alone. I have a friend girl I can text when I go on dates even if we haven't talked in months!
Be accounted for when meeting a guy/girl online...not all folks are in their right mind!
On the subject of sex:
-If you met him/her online, spend at least 6 months before allowing any making out. Weak people will tell you it's impossible. Please hear this strong woman when I say, keep the dates creative and full of adventure and this time will pass by before you know it!
Moving in with him/her:
-Let me talk straight to my independent yet lonely ladies on this one, ok? Men take notes and apply accordingly.
Ladies, please do not allow some guy from out of state or even locally to get in your head about coming to spend a week, month or two with you in order to get to know you better!
That is the most popular line 'virtual liars' use!
A real man will have his living situation in order and can date you from afar.
You get me on that?
He has no reason at all to move in YOUR place or even move you in HIS place, just to get to know you better!
The game is played so they can either, leave the woman they met a couple months back online, who is about to boot them out because they found out his game...or....he just split with his ex and is trying to move you in to help with that now one sided financial burden.
More is in my book coming this summer I had to share since it is hot topic this evening!
Ladies and Gents, OnLine date wisely! And know a 'Virtual Liar' when you see him 'Typing' up!!!
~Mz DeeVa~
Web Talk Radio Hostess of iLast Radio segments like 'Relationship Talk', 'Let's Talk', and 'Battle of the Sexes', and new Authoress of memoir 'Great Sex Is Not Love and Never Will Be!' and upcoming Relationship Book: 'So Your Heart's Been Broken? Please Get Back Out There!'
Follow Mz DeeVa on Twitter: @MzDeeva4you for more or like her fan page 'Mz DeeVa' on www.facebook.com/mzdeeva4you as well as join her book club on Facebook 'Great Sex Is Not Love Book Club'
-1st Have several, several intense conversations via Email or IM before sharing your number.
Ask detailed questions and leave room in your heart before you fall for him/her to discover the truth when/if you actually meet and spend weeks REALLY getting to know him/her.
-Exchange numbers once you are clear that they meet your initial 'narrow your choices down' standards
If local
choose a coffee shop for first meeting. Do not use each other's apartments or houses to meet up. Too soon for that!
If out of state
*Dont date out of reasonable travel zones unless you discovered by intense conversation and date 1 and 2 you can both afford to do so!
Date 1: He comes to your state, gets a hotel n rents a car
Date 2: You go to his state, get a hotel room, n rent a car
Oh, and plz do not stay over at the hotel or his/her place on Date 1 and 2! ;-)
On safety:
Always let your close friend or family member know of any plans to meet your new virtual friend alone. I have a friend girl I can text when I go on dates even if we haven't talked in months!
Be accounted for when meeting a guy/girl online...not all folks are in their right mind!
On the subject of sex:
-If you met him/her online, spend at least 6 months before allowing any making out. Weak people will tell you it's impossible. Please hear this strong woman when I say, keep the dates creative and full of adventure and this time will pass by before you know it!
Moving in with him/her:
-Let me talk straight to my independent yet lonely ladies on this one, ok? Men take notes and apply accordingly.
Ladies, please do not allow some guy from out of state or even locally to get in your head about coming to spend a week, month or two with you in order to get to know you better!
That is the most popular line 'virtual liars' use!
A real man will have his living situation in order and can date you from afar.
You get me on that?
He has no reason at all to move in YOUR place or even move you in HIS place, just to get to know you better!
The game is played so they can either, leave the woman they met a couple months back online, who is about to boot them out because they found out his game...or....he just split with his ex and is trying to move you in to help with that now one sided financial burden.
More is in my book coming this summer I had to share since it is hot topic this evening!
Ladies and Gents, OnLine date wisely! And know a 'Virtual Liar' when you see him 'Typing' up!!!
~Mz DeeVa~
Web Talk Radio Hostess of iLast Radio segments like 'Relationship Talk', 'Let's Talk', and 'Battle of the Sexes', and new Authoress of memoir 'Great Sex Is Not Love and Never Will Be!' and upcoming Relationship Book: 'So Your Heart's Been Broken? Please Get Back Out There!'
Follow Mz DeeVa on Twitter: @MzDeeva4you for more or like her fan page 'Mz DeeVa' on www.facebook.com/mzdeeva4you as well as join her book club on Facebook 'Great Sex Is Not Love Book Club'
Thursday, December 30, 2010
In Europe and Tired of a Married Man's Advances
Mz DeeVa:
"...my friend's husband wont leave me alone, He keeps sending me messages. He has been trying to get with me for years I managed to keep him off but recently he got a hold of my number and he wont let off with the messages...."
Dear Frustrated in Europe:
Hey lady! That is going on like crazy here in Central Texas also!
Men like that have to be ignored at all levels! Dont even tell them to stop texting because their shallow minds hear 'she wants me bad!'
....most important; tell the friend!...
I sat on a 3 way call, where my friend told our other girlfriend of what her husband was doing a year ago; and she checked him...of course, some dogs keep it in him, so he is now back hitting same female up by email, along with some other friend girls he found on her Facebook friend's list!
Ignore men like that on all levels, it is truly the only thing that MAY work!
Mz DeeVa:
"if I tell her she will think its me leading him on. I am so fed up with this nonsense. I have married idiots at work chasing me, 3 of them, no matter how much I tell them to lay off, they wont."
Dear Frustrated in Europe:
I know your frustration and believe me, it is not you, those men have greediness issues, cannot just be happy with who God gave them; so they want to come have some 'jump off' fun for a few months and Sundays until their guilt sets in with the first lady victim who will fall for their crap!
Right thing to do: Tell the wife, she will be angry now, but I promise you, I have had thank you calls years later, from 2 exact same situations! Wives will call and say 'thank you' when they finally grow tired of the games. In your current situation, your friend, the wife, already knows or suspects that he is up to something, that is the way of woman!!
So tell her; and show her email and text proof if she asks for it....and then walk in to 2011 with that being THEIR mess and not yours ma.
Hoping this post helps many women in the same predicament. Feel free always to email your questions to me direct at: mividanow@gmail.com or DM to me on Twitter, as well as Facebook or Myspace them!
~Mz DeeVa~
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mzdeeva4you
http://deevaizms.blogspot.com
http://www.twitter.com/MzDeeVa4you
http://www.myspace.com/brownsugah09
"...my friend's husband wont leave me alone, He keeps sending me messages. He has been trying to get with me for years I managed to keep him off but recently he got a hold of my number and he wont let off with the messages...."
Dear Frustrated in Europe:
Hey lady! That is going on like crazy here in Central Texas also!
Men like that have to be ignored at all levels! Dont even tell them to stop texting because their shallow minds hear 'she wants me bad!'
....most important; tell the friend!...
I sat on a 3 way call, where my friend told our other girlfriend of what her husband was doing a year ago; and she checked him...of course, some dogs keep it in him, so he is now back hitting same female up by email, along with some other friend girls he found on her Facebook friend's list!
Ignore men like that on all levels, it is truly the only thing that MAY work!
Mz DeeVa:
"if I tell her she will think its me leading him on. I am so fed up with this nonsense. I have married idiots at work chasing me, 3 of them, no matter how much I tell them to lay off, they wont."
Dear Frustrated in Europe:
I know your frustration and believe me, it is not you, those men have greediness issues, cannot just be happy with who God gave them; so they want to come have some 'jump off' fun for a few months and Sundays until their guilt sets in with the first lady victim who will fall for their crap!
Right thing to do: Tell the wife, she will be angry now, but I promise you, I have had thank you calls years later, from 2 exact same situations! Wives will call and say 'thank you' when they finally grow tired of the games. In your current situation, your friend, the wife, already knows or suspects that he is up to something, that is the way of woman!!
So tell her; and show her email and text proof if she asks for it....and then walk in to 2011 with that being THEIR mess and not yours ma.
Hoping this post helps many women in the same predicament. Feel free always to email your questions to me direct at: mividanow@gmail.com or DM to me on Twitter, as well as Facebook or Myspace them!
~Mz DeeVa~
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mzdeeva4you
http://deevaizms.blogspot.com
http://www.twitter.com/MzDeeVa4you
http://www.myspace.com/brownsugah09
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Right Brain vs the Left Brain in Relationships according to Mz DeeVa
Often times we enter into relationships and we fail to take enough time to get to know who we are, let alone figure out who the other person we are getting to know is!
My theory is that knowing whether or not you are Right Brain, Left Brain or
some combination of both is a critical link to minimizing the CONFUSION that
tends to go on in the COMMUNICATION process of dating and relationships
with others!
Now know this, it is not too late to test my theory if you are already years into
the relationship or even married. The discovery point of learning that how you
think and how your mate thinks is a great one!! It really makes a HUGE difference in the success or lack of success of your relationship AND could put an end to never ending arguments and bring the romance back that has long since faded away!!
So here we go...
First, here are the characteristics of the Left Brainers and the Right Brainers.
Left brain tend to be more logical, carrying these traits:
-Logical
-Sequential
-Rational
-Analytical
-Objective
-Looks at parts
Right Brain tend to be more Intuitive, carrying these traits:
-Random
-Intuitive
-Holistic
Synthesizing
-Subjective
-Looks at wholes
Now, discover if you are more of a Right Brain or a Left Brain person by going
online and taking this quick and HARMLESS quiz:
http://www.intelliscript.net/test_area/questionnaire/questionnaire.cgi
and then return back to me for my theory....
At the end of the quiz, you were given a scale that showed you whether or not
you were a Left Brainer, Right Brainer or both.
Now....here is the solution beginning to unfold...Have your partner take the
same test. AND....if he/she refuses to, and you have known them long enough,
and know quite a bit about their personality and ways, try taking the test as if
you are them (less likely to be successful in solving your issues if you cannot get
them to take the test, yet, it will help you understand them more, which is your
goal in the first place! -_-
One tip I will share about the Left Brainer. As you see psychologists have
discovered, Left Brainers think in parts....YET, they are so logical and so very
analytical and objective, they will argue me down on this point to a T...The fact
that Left Brainers think in parts, they tend not to see the WHOLE picture of
what is actually going on!! They will make a conclusion on the situation based
on the very few parts they see of it, and will not fairly GRASP the whole
situation!!
Wondering how that has any impact on your relationship?
Because the Left Brainer lacks a lot of emotion and tends to choose the rational
way of thinking in most arguments or disagreements, they are not going to
FEEL as much as the Right Brainer will, nor will they see the WHOLE situation
right up front. It is not to say that you will not get your point across, because if
you can TRULY understand this about the Left Brainer you will learn how to do
so; it is just simply saying as the initial disagreement takes place, the Left
Brainer is going to stand his/her ground because deep down inside, they
honestly feel they are right! It will take the Right Brainer's patience and
willingness to love them enough or care enough to see the Left Brainer through
ALL parts of the discussion in order to get their point across!
Now, I am still currently studying for my Bachelor's in Guidance Counseling, but
that is the information I have studied throughout my Associates in Social Work
Specialization studies and I find it to be ironic that the study of Left Brainers
vs Right Brainers has a SERIOUS impact on how 2 people can successfully
understand each other more in the dating and marriage process, yet I stand
strong on my conclusion that it will make a HUGE difference on the
COMMUNICATION side of things knowing which side of the brain dominates, for you and your partner!
~Mz DeeVa, Blog Talk Radio Host~
My theory is that knowing whether or not you are Right Brain, Left Brain or
some combination of both is a critical link to minimizing the CONFUSION that
tends to go on in the COMMUNICATION process of dating and relationships
with others!
Now know this, it is not too late to test my theory if you are already years into
the relationship or even married. The discovery point of learning that how you
think and how your mate thinks is a great one!! It really makes a HUGE difference in the success or lack of success of your relationship AND could put an end to never ending arguments and bring the romance back that has long since faded away!!
So here we go...
First, here are the characteristics of the Left Brainers and the Right Brainers.
Left brain tend to be more logical, carrying these traits:
-Logical
-Sequential
-Rational
-Analytical
-Objective
-Looks at parts
Right Brain tend to be more Intuitive, carrying these traits:
-Random
-Intuitive
-Holistic
Synthesizing
-Subjective
-Looks at wholes
Now, discover if you are more of a Right Brain or a Left Brain person by going
online and taking this quick and HARMLESS quiz:
http://www.intelliscript.net/test_area/questionnaire/questionnaire.cgi
and then return back to me for my theory....
At the end of the quiz, you were given a scale that showed you whether or not
you were a Left Brainer, Right Brainer or both.
Now....here is the solution beginning to unfold...Have your partner take the
same test. AND....if he/she refuses to, and you have known them long enough,
and know quite a bit about their personality and ways, try taking the test as if
you are them (less likely to be successful in solving your issues if you cannot get
them to take the test, yet, it will help you understand them more, which is your
goal in the first place! -_-
One tip I will share about the Left Brainer. As you see psychologists have
discovered, Left Brainers think in parts....YET, they are so logical and so very
analytical and objective, they will argue me down on this point to a T...The fact
that Left Brainers think in parts, they tend not to see the WHOLE picture of
what is actually going on!! They will make a conclusion on the situation based
on the very few parts they see of it, and will not fairly GRASP the whole
situation!!
Wondering how that has any impact on your relationship?
Because the Left Brainer lacks a lot of emotion and tends to choose the rational
way of thinking in most arguments or disagreements, they are not going to
FEEL as much as the Right Brainer will, nor will they see the WHOLE situation
right up front. It is not to say that you will not get your point across, because if
you can TRULY understand this about the Left Brainer you will learn how to do
so; it is just simply saying as the initial disagreement takes place, the Left
Brainer is going to stand his/her ground because deep down inside, they
honestly feel they are right! It will take the Right Brainer's patience and
willingness to love them enough or care enough to see the Left Brainer through
ALL parts of the discussion in order to get their point across!
Now, I am still currently studying for my Bachelor's in Guidance Counseling, but
that is the information I have studied throughout my Associates in Social Work
Specialization studies and I find it to be ironic that the study of Left Brainers
vs Right Brainers has a SERIOUS impact on how 2 people can successfully
understand each other more in the dating and marriage process, yet I stand
strong on my conclusion that it will make a HUGE difference on the
COMMUNICATION side of things knowing which side of the brain dominates, for you and your partner!
~Mz DeeVa, Blog Talk Radio Host~
Monday, December 20, 2010
'Tis the Season To Do Away With Unnecessary Competitions!
I find this season bringing me extreme peace and self satisfaction! Yet, I look around me and soon learn that those swimming with me in this sea of happiness are few and far between!
See, I am a web Talk Radio Host (www.blogtalkradio.com/mzdeeva4you) and my main subject on near all of my segments is the word many fear to talk about in excess: Relationships!
So as I stream my podcast live each week, I get quite a few callers who will call in and share their thoughts and opinions on the current Relationship topics presented. What seems to happen often, with the men and the women, is an air of competition!!! Mz Deeva may be bringing the topic but I am going to call into her show to show her fans how wrong she is on her outlook on these issues
The ones who tend to go against me the most, are the ones I expose often. The 'Relationship Game Players', the 'Satisfied Female Jump Offs', the ones who are indeed guilty of the topic I am sharing and so they fear that truth being exposed, thus following, the competition Live on air!!!
Can we not just all get along in the world of talk radio?!
Though mine is called the Battle of the Sexes, I have shared with you often, we consider it simply 'a friendly engagement between the sexes' Need I change the name in order to bring about a geniune respect for the host on the panel?! Hmmm...
One thing I am well known and respected for on and off BlogTalkRadio.com is that when I am a guest on someone else's show or stage, I never try to downplay or outshine the host. I stand strong in my own opinion I am sharing without ever once having to ridicule or put down the host who invited me to share in discussing their hot topic!
Know when to compete, and first and foremost gain the knowledge of how to RESPECT other's platforms and you will indeed go a very long way in the circle of life!!!
Mz DeeVa, Blog Talk Radio Host and Co-Host of 'Late Night Blog Talking' at Obok in Killeen/FtHood, TX
See, I am a web Talk Radio Host (www.blogtalkradio.com/mzdeeva4you) and my main subject on near all of my segments is the word many fear to talk about in excess: Relationships!
So as I stream my podcast live each week, I get quite a few callers who will call in and share their thoughts and opinions on the current Relationship topics presented. What seems to happen often, with the men and the women, is an air of competition!!! Mz Deeva may be bringing the topic but I am going to call into her show to show her fans how wrong she is on her outlook on these issues
The ones who tend to go against me the most, are the ones I expose often. The 'Relationship Game Players', the 'Satisfied Female Jump Offs', the ones who are indeed guilty of the topic I am sharing and so they fear that truth being exposed, thus following, the competition Live on air!!!
Can we not just all get along in the world of talk radio?!
Though mine is called the Battle of the Sexes, I have shared with you often, we consider it simply 'a friendly engagement between the sexes' Need I change the name in order to bring about a geniune respect for the host on the panel?! Hmmm...
One thing I am well known and respected for on and off BlogTalkRadio.com is that when I am a guest on someone else's show or stage, I never try to downplay or outshine the host. I stand strong in my own opinion I am sharing without ever once having to ridicule or put down the host who invited me to share in discussing their hot topic!
Know when to compete, and first and foremost gain the knowledge of how to RESPECT other's platforms and you will indeed go a very long way in the circle of life!!!
Mz DeeVa, Blog Talk Radio Host and Co-Host of 'Late Night Blog Talking' at Obok in Killeen/FtHood, TX
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Did Tiger Woods and Elin need an Oscar?
Elin is moving back in and Tiger has reportedly decided on date to return to PGA Tour...wow, did we just hand out the Oscars to the wrong individuals America??...could it be it was a management strategy because it appears these days that drama sells movies, CDs, and now maybe even heightens the status of golfers!...smh
And let us not forget true nominations would have been appropriate for the many mistresses that popped up...were they paid to degrade themselves? I mean they do appear to be individuals who have no shame?
What do you all think? I say, it was a scam from the get for sake of attention, and we fell for it, so now America, we just made Tiger's money increase, as he showed America it is ok to cheat on your wife, with many women, because as Elin has made it look, the wife will come back?!
Share your thoughts, please...
And let us not forget true nominations would have been appropriate for the many mistresses that popped up...were they paid to degrade themselves? I mean they do appear to be individuals who have no shame?
What do you all think? I say, it was a scam from the get for sake of attention, and we fell for it, so now America, we just made Tiger's money increase, as he showed America it is ok to cheat on your wife, with many women, because as Elin has made it look, the wife will come back?!
Share your thoughts, please...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Thicker Women are Easier?!
Ok, the mobile discussion gets going this morning when I vent out a blog via text as to how frustrated I personally am of men, who are total strangers, approaching me, the friendly one at times in our group with sexual conversation or advances that they would never dare say to my friends, who were less approachable at the initial 'hi, how are you' phase. They usually look at the guy like he is complete dirt when he opens his mouth to attempt to say hi, and he fades away into the darkness, until he sees my friendly smile, and southern girl, raised by a REAL southern woman and grandmother mannerisms...and then he opens his mouth with the TOTAL disrespect approach!....
Following me?
Good.
So as I share this, some of my men friends suggested that maybe I should just ask the guy who does that, why did he approach me with inappropriate conversation and we have never met...
...I add here, yes people, I was fully covered, chin to shoe!...
...my reply to asking the jerk anything advice was simply, No, I try to follow advice my mother gives, saying that those type of men just want ANY conversation. I agree, so SAY NOTHING! Most of those types have nothing in between their ears and so your question would come to their ears, 'hey baby, fuck me'...when you simply said, 'why did you approach me like that?'...so no, conversation is not the answer.
Midday I shared maybe it would be best for me to immediately dial 911. When the cops arrive have the idiot arrested for sexual harassment. Hey, I am in Texas, that is a legal charge and the brother would go downtown. And then I was venting to my best friend (lady).... I should add to the 911 call, by calling the local news station as the guy is being arrested and share the story with the reporter for the 10 o'clock news...
...somehow, that made me feel a lot better, cannot wait to exercise that right on the next fool who approaches me wrong.
Now later my best friend (guy) shares with me that most men who come at me, versus my friends, are the members of the 90% Idiot club who's motto is 'THICKER WOMEN are EASIER'...sigh!!!!
I am now shocked that such a category exists, let alone there are fools younger than 195 years old that would even entertain that stupidity in this day and age, so I vent out outtraged that 'any man a part of that dumb percentage may our God place herpes and other STD's on their mediocre male parts!'..(umm you all know I did not use that latter term to describe 'IT'...
...somehow I felt better after that (will share that with my therapist ;)...)
...I later concluded the discussion by simply saying 'My diagnosis on the 'thicker girls are easier syndrome' is this: Male subjects who resort to placing women in categories in order to attempt to strengthen their approach in hopes of the woman paying them any attention, those particular male subjects suffer DEEP insecurity issues and lack of Self Esteem and need medication that has YET to be invented!...
...however, these are simply my thoughts and opinions, so what is your take on this subject??
~ms deeVa~
Following me?
Good.
So as I share this, some of my men friends suggested that maybe I should just ask the guy who does that, why did he approach me with inappropriate conversation and we have never met...
...I add here, yes people, I was fully covered, chin to shoe!...
...my reply to asking the jerk anything advice was simply, No, I try to follow advice my mother gives, saying that those type of men just want ANY conversation. I agree, so SAY NOTHING! Most of those types have nothing in between their ears and so your question would come to their ears, 'hey baby, fuck me'...when you simply said, 'why did you approach me like that?'...so no, conversation is not the answer.
Midday I shared maybe it would be best for me to immediately dial 911. When the cops arrive have the idiot arrested for sexual harassment. Hey, I am in Texas, that is a legal charge and the brother would go downtown. And then I was venting to my best friend (lady).... I should add to the 911 call, by calling the local news station as the guy is being arrested and share the story with the reporter for the 10 o'clock news...
...somehow, that made me feel a lot better, cannot wait to exercise that right on the next fool who approaches me wrong.
Now later my best friend (guy) shares with me that most men who come at me, versus my friends, are the members of the 90% Idiot club who's motto is 'THICKER WOMEN are EASIER'...sigh!!!!
I am now shocked that such a category exists, let alone there are fools younger than 195 years old that would even entertain that stupidity in this day and age, so I vent out outtraged that 'any man a part of that dumb percentage may our God place herpes and other STD's on their mediocre male parts!'..(umm you all know I did not use that latter term to describe 'IT'...
...somehow I felt better after that (will share that with my therapist ;)...)
...I later concluded the discussion by simply saying 'My diagnosis on the 'thicker girls are easier syndrome' is this: Male subjects who resort to placing women in categories in order to attempt to strengthen their approach in hopes of the woman paying them any attention, those particular male subjects suffer DEEP insecurity issues and lack of Self Esteem and need medication that has YET to be invented!...
...however, these are simply my thoughts and opinions, so what is your take on this subject??
~ms deeVa~
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